The Sontaran Stratagem / The Poison Sky

The Sontaran Stratagem harkens back to the old 1970s Doctor Who serials, not just because it re-uses the titular villains but because the whole set-up is like something Jon Pertwee would have been involved in, having to begrudgingly get along with the military (UNIT) while temporarily trapped on Earth. It even features human workmen who become possessed and/or cloned, which was a regular staple of the old serials, probably because it was cheap. Thankfully, the Sontarans themselves look a lot better than the old rubbery masks, but they’re still very much the same villains.

Colonel Mace leads UNIT at this time. He’s no Brigadier, that’s for sure.

In later series, the Sontarans will become the comic relief, particularly the Doctor’s friend Strax, with his casually violent remarks and failure to understand human ways, but these Sontarans are still the threatening military force that they once were, treating humans as pests to be eradicated. They only know of war and glory, it’s all they live for. This should make them boring, but it doesn’t; however, it needs a tragic angle to give it depth, and that’s where Luke Rattigan comes in. Tricked by the Sontarans, this naive young genius is the equivalent of what would have been some jaded old company director in a Jon Pertwee episode, working with the enemy for his own goals. It does highlight some of the differences between then and now.

Luke destroys the Sontaran ship by overheating their Xbox 360.

For instance, back then, the (third) Doctor wasn’t a famous figure revered throughout the galaxy. The aliens or other forces he faced didn’t know him, and he often didn’t know them either. And although the world was put in danger, whether by volcanic eruption, invasion by dinosaurs, or assault by Autons, the world at large didn’t see any of it happen. Conversely, the modern series is absolutely obsessed with the whole wide world being put through horrible things without stopping to think about the impact it ought to have. Every time they do one of those news report montages telling us it’s the end of the world, I just cringe. How many times can it really be the end of the world? It’s utterly incongruous with other characters’ continued insistence that there’s no such thing as aliens, but more importantly, it’s just boring. There is no impact anymore; there is no greater threat. The Doctor can stand there on a planet that’s about to be killed with toxic gas, but I just won’t believe it’s going to happen. He’ll wave his sonic screwdriver around and everything will be fine again.

Commander Skorr presumably takes his helmet off so that the other Sontarans know who he is.

So, this two-parter is a mix of some good old-school set-ups with some bad new-school wrap-ups. It’s not as good as it could be, but it’s not too bad either. The Sontarans are just about right (war chanting aside), the script is often sharp and funny, Donna continues to impress as a companion, it’s nice to see Martha again, although she’s so bland that you can’t actually tell when it’s the clone version on screen (or maybe that’s the point), and the throwbacks to the Doctor’s past with UNIT are a nice touch (particularly that he can’t remember if he worked for them in the 70s or 80s!). But there is just too much screwdriving this and deadlocking that, winning with technobabble yet again, and everyone is fine and happy and going about their normal lives after the ordeal is over. It’s grandiose and overblown because it has the technology to do it now, but that doesn’t mean it should.

That’s a great plan, Doctor… unless you’re an aeroplane.

The Two Doctors

Oh my giddy aunt! What the bloody hell did I just watch? You might think, from the name, that The Two Doctors would be a team-up of Time Lords on a lighthearted adventure against some iconic bad-dudes, particularly with the inclusion of Patrick Troughton as the jolly and childish second Doctor. What I didn’t expect was this utterly bizarre trip through cannibalism, torture and some the darkest and weirdest themes Doctor Who has ever tackled. Was this even considered a kids’ show by this point? The decline into dark themes has been gradual, I admit, but this is a world away from the sort of story The Five Doctors was, just a year or so prior.

Dastari and Chessene try to discover the secret of Time Lord symbiotic nuclei.

Things start off strangely in the second Doctor’s Tardis. Now, it’s great to see Frazer Hines back as Jamie, one of the longest-serving companions, but it is quite obvious that he’s nearly twenty years older. Even Patrick Troughton’s wig is now grey, and in addition to the clearly modern design of the control room, it suggests this version of the Doctor is set along some parallel timeline in which he never regenerated. He’s even on a mission for the Time Lords, which did not happen in the original timeline, and moreover the sixth Doctor has no memory of this adventure. But this is all completely ignored, and we’re supposed to accept that this all happened in the past (presumably between the points where Victoria left and Zoe joined). I gather there are some woolly ‘fanon’ explanations around for this, but it’s difficult to accept at face value.

The black-and-white opening catches you off-guard, before the colour (and wrinkles) return to their faces.

I like Patrick Troughton as the Doctor, and he’s still a pleasure to watch here, but it’s just not the sort of story that suits him. I won’t even get into the bizarre restaurant scene towards the end, because I’m not entirely sure I didn’t just dream the whole thing. Remarkably, though the villains of the piece are the Sontarans, the scariest villain here is undoubtedly the cannibal chef, Shockeye. I have to give credit to the performance; his heavy breathing and leering gaze as he eyes up his prey and sharpens his blades is truly unsettling. The script is dripping with descriptive prose about tearing tender human flesh from the bone and so on, it’s hard to believe that Robert Holmes wrote this as a vegetarian; it comes across more like he was just really hungry. Well, intentionally or not, he’s created one of the scariest villains in Doctor Who, ever.

Dressed for dinner, the Androgum-mutated Doctor and the chef head into town to sample the local cuisine.

Almost everything about this story has a wicked tone, from the computer that tries to casually murder them on the space station, to the repeated capture of the heroes. Poor Peri is attacked by Jamie, chased through the Spanish heat and knocked unconscious by Shockeye, is literally seconds away from having her throat cut, and goes through the whole ordeal in a skimpy little outfit. Jamie doesn’t fare much better; in fact no-one really comes away well. The poor lady of the villa gets casually offed in seconds, the truck driver is killed and so is Oscar the restaurateur when Shockeye stabs him. Yes, this is a Doctor Who story where a cannibal goes around bludgeoning an elderly woman and stabbing people. What the actual flip?

Peri and Jamie meet in less than ideal conditions. In fact, I think he tries to hump her.

And it’s another story where the Doctor blithely goes along with it. He puts Peri in danger repeatedly (the bit where he tells her to go into the dangerous house on her own is almost laughable; it’s like a horror parody), and he once again has little regard for life as he kills Shockeye with some cyanide(!!!). Although I can’t say he didn’t have it coming, did we really need the Doctor to offer another witty quip afterwards?

Continuing the theme of grotesque deaths, Stike the Sontaran gets burned by acid and then blown up.

Frankly, this is one of the strangest pieces of television entertainment I think I have ever watched. While there is an interesting central plot, lots of it is just weird tangential filler (possibly because the runtime is 50% longer than the current norm) and it’s just filled with really dark humour and unsettling scenes throughout. I can’t say it’s entirely without merit, because I’m all for pushing boundaries and trying new things, and I would much rather it be bizarrely interesting and darkly comic than, I dunno, boring and bland. But, just, wow. I’m lost for words. And I really fancy a shepherd’s pie.

The Invasion of Time

The Invasion of Time picks up where The Deadly Assassin left off, with the Doctor exploiting Gallifrey’s ridiculous legal system again, this time to become President of the Time Lords. Why would he want to do that? Well, that’s where the mystery lies.

I’m still not entirely sure what the Doctor’s plan entailed. Keep the invaders out by letting them in?

It’s clear from the start that the Doctor is not behaving his usual self. This is the most crazed, absent-minded and bizarre he has ever been portrayed. Tom Baker’s ability to perform a masterful display of confusion, anger and misdirection is used by the writers here as an important plot point, since he must shield his true intentions from the invading Vardans. He does it brilliantly.

The Doctor offers the Vardans a jellybaby.

Sadly, the Vardans are not well developed villains. Aside from learning they can transmit themselves across energy waves and read minds (while appearing as shimmery tinfoil apparitions), it is later revealed that they are in fact human (what?). Once defeated, it’s as if the story ends and a new one begins, as they were actually being used by the Sontarans. It’s a tacked on ending, culminating in a chase through the corridors of the Tardis, which look like an old school or a warehouse and not in the least bit alien.

Sontarans are all supposed to be identical clones. That doesn’t work out so well.

The writing is witty, with plenty of funny lines from the Doctor and others, but it can be a bit too light-hearted for the situation. While the mystery lasts, the early parts of the story are quite good. I always enjoy some universe-building in sci-fi, and seeing the capital city of the Time Lords is a pleasure. We even see the wastelands arounds the city this time (albeit this is just some plains filmed through a red filter), and meet the Doctor’s old mentor, Borusa. For a season finale, it’s a suitably “big” storyline. What could be bigger than the Time Lords’ own planet threatened? But sadly it’s not very well thought out and doesn’t end well. Stor, the Sontaran captain, threatens to destroy the entire galaxy with a grenade he’s holding. Just think about that for a second: the entire GALAXY? Did someone tell the writer “quick, make up the biggest threat you can think of for the ending, don’t worry if it doesn’t make sense!”.

Completely out of the blue, Leela remains behind with Andred. I will miss her.

Finally, another sad note is the departure of Leela. I actually saw this coming, but I had expected her to remain in the wastelands and help the savages outside. Instead, these are quickly forgotten about and instead she falls in love with Andred the guard and stays behind with him. So stupid, and what a waste of a meaningful exit. She also keeps K-9 with her, which might actually mean something, except the Doctor leaves with a box with the words “K-9 Mk.II” written on it. Oh dear.

The Sontaran Experiment

The Sontaran Experiment is an interesting detour, following on directly from the previous serial, but telling its own self-contained story. Human colonists who arrived on the deserted Earth have been attacked and experimented on by a Sontaran scout, in preparation for a galactic invasion. Big story, wrapped up in two parts. It’s refreshing!

The Doctor stands in the circle of transport beacons on an unspoilt new Earth.

What it shows is that you don’t need to spread a plot thinly over six episodes to make it good – brevity is often a virtue. The only reason most serials spread themselves so thinly is because of budget requirements. But I think The Sontaran Experiment also shows that you don’t need a big budget to tell a compelling sci-fi story either. This takes place entirely on some hills (no sets), and reuses some old costumes. And yet, it’s a compelling tale of human survival, Sontaran wickedness and Time Lord cunning.

The Sontaran’s robot scout captures the colonists.

I could have done without the Doctor’s Miraculous Escape From Death™, but for the most part he outwits the Sontaran, Styre, with skill and intelligence. He also gets angry, calling Styre an unspeakable abomination as he tries to throttle him one, which adds believability to the Doctor’s character. He gets some funny lines too, explaining to Harry how you should never throw anything away and then moments later telling him to never clutter his pockets with stuff. Meanwhile, Sarah Jane gets captured again. Sigh.

Styre examines his captives.

The Sontaran head prosthetic looks a little different from the last time it was used (despite Sarah mistaking Styre for Lynx) – more rubbery, but I think it’s an improvement. There’s also an excellent effect when Styre is killed and his head deflates like a balloon, which is wonderfully freaky. Sontarans are good villains, inhuman, remorseless, but bound by routine and procedure. His experiments on the human colonists are not malicious or evil, he simply does not care about them, blithely describing the procedures in his log, which makes them all the more frightening.

The Time Warrior

It’s been a while since we’ve had a historical episode. The middle ages are the setting for The Time Warrior, and the anachronistic arrival of a crashed Sontaran warrior threatens to contaminate history. Luckily, the Sontaran happens to snatch a few present day scientists back through time, which gets the Doctor’s attention.

Professor Rubeish helps the Doctor rescue the other kidnapped scientists.

Few stories lately have dealt with historical events, and even fewer with the consequences of meddling with them, so this one was interesting. Naturally, you get a load of knights saying things like “you speak in strange tongues, star warrior”, and calling the Doctor a wizard, which is fun. But it also asks serious questions like what would actually happen if medieval people had access to weapons that could kill so easily – would we be sophisticated enough as a society to handle that responsibility? The period characters are portrayed as fools, so the answer would seem to be “no”. Fortunately, the Doctor is able to destroy the Sontaran’s ship, and the explosion takes out the castle and the weapons too. Lots of stories lately seem to feature explosive endings, it’s becoming a theme!

The Doctor plans an assault on Irongron’s castle.

I’m familiar with the modern version of the Sontarans, but I was very surprised by how little they’ve changed. The head, the face, the voice and the mannerisms are all basically the same. They’re not evil, as such, just single-minded and amused by warmongering. There is only one of them in this story, but one is enough to provide a worthy foe for the Doctor and his new travelling companion.

Make-up and prosthetics may have improved in 30 years, but this Sontaran looks remarkably similar to the modern ones.

Yes, Sarah Jane Smith joins the Doctor’s travels for the first time in this story. A journalist who accidentally stows away on the Tardis, she is a refreshing change from Jo, actually challenging the Doctor and, for a while, even thinking he is the villain of the piece! I already like her, so that’s a good start.

Sarah Jane Smith questions the Doctor.

A couple of noteworthy mentions here. Firstly, the Doctor mentions to the Sontaran that his home planet is Gallifrey – I believe this is the first spoken reference of this name (first I’ve noticed, anyway). Secondly, this story features a brand new title sequence with a more familiar (to me) “time tunnel” graphic, and a brand new logo. It’s very nice. Same old music, though.